two dreams
Sunday, July 28th, 2002One:
I am at a restaurant with S., a friend who lives down the street from me (and from whom I haven't heard in a couple of weeks). The restaurant is a buffet (I usually dislike buffets). The restaurant is fairly crowded, and sitting next to us are two women, a mother in her fifties and a daughter in her twenties or thirties. S. and I are arguing about something, and as usual I'm irritated and he's amused at my irritation. The more amused he becomes, the more irritated I become. At some point I realize that the women next to us are amused to, because I'm arguing with no one. S. somehow got up halfway through our argument and went to the buffet. He comes back, and I explode. I feel hugely disrespected. He is totally indifferent. As we leave the restaurant he says, "And she thought you wouldn't react if she fucked with you." I realize he's referring to a woman from another dream, someone who was interested in me but who really wasn't my type.
I insist on walking home from the restaurant, because I'm so angry I don't want to be in a car with S. The restaurant is miles away from my home, and it's snowing. I'm adamant, though. S. reminds me that I left my backpack in his car, so we have to walk across the parking lot to get it. He's amused the entire time. The parking lot is covered in a slimy wet snow, and the walk to the car is difficult.
Two:
I wake in the middle of the night and walk to the kitchen for a glass of water. I see some small black thing moving across the floor, and I'm surprised when I realize it's a baby frog. The baby frog hops to the kitchen doorway and comes to rest between two adult frogs. They are all luminous and green, almost tropically beautiful.
I decide the frogs need to die. For some reason I have a fishing spear in my living room — a long pole with a long thin spike on the end. I walk to the living room to get the spear, and the baby frog hops after me. It's a strange frog, very friendly and animated. It hops around me, hops onto the bed, and rolls onto its back like a dog waiting to have its belly scratched. I pause for a moment, but for some reason I'm insistent that the frogs must die. I thrust the spear into the baby frog's thorax, and it lets out a high-pitched squeal. This horrifies me, but at the same time makes me feel safe. I walk to the hallway and look down at the two adult frogs. They are watching me anxiously. I display the bloody head of the spear then throw the spear lamely towards them, and the frogs hop away in fright. Suddenly there are frogs coming out of the walls — black, green, white, large and small, a whole rainbow of frogs. Among them are large white frog-like creatures with multiple long spindly legs, like a cross between frogs and spiders. They're horrifying. I climb up on a chair, unarmed, and watch as frogs fill up my apartment.
Interpretations:
The first dream represents my anxiety that people don't take me seriously, and specifically my resentment towards S. in this regard. It also indicates my anxiety that others feel I don't take them seriously, especially women. I try to make it a point to listen to the ideas of women, because I think men don't do this enough.
The second dream is a cautionary tale. Don't kill beauty. It's not worth it.
